Reflections of What Lies Ahead

I can't believe it's been a year since we competed in our 1st Annual "Caring for Carcinoid" Triathlon at Breezy Point. It's so refreshing to have all the Blackwoods converging back on Hampton Roads to do it again in 2009. I've been thinking for some time now i need to get back on here and post some thoughts but I haven't had much to say. Too busy with work, spending time with family, and training for the upcoming race. I hate being too busy. Life seems to get in the way of those simple things that we long to enjoy. A lazy Saturday afternoon under a shade tree, driving over to spend time with friends just to shoot the breeze, curling up with an old book. I constantly long to simplify my life but it only seems to get more hectic. I've come to accept that as the state of our world today and have just learned to operate within the madness.

It's cool to see everyone breaking the silence on their prospective blogspots. That is almost everyone except Kathy and Rob. I constantly tell Kath that "the world is waiting to here what she has to say" She just smiles and says something that only Kath can say like, "I don't really have anything to say" or "I'll write when I have more time". We all know she is the master at making time and we also know that she has ton to say, but she mostly chooses to stay silent and soak in what others have to say. I respect that quality in a person. It's those that say the least that actually have the most to say.

It's always interesting to see what's running through every one's minds. Most everyone seems to have more interesting things to day that I. I'm usually just he one that's there for support. Jess came home from Korea this past Sunday. it was nice to walk into the house and find him, Naomi, and Mike just hanging out talking about everything and nothing, all at the same time. Jess starting complimenting me on how good of shape I'm in and how much they appreciate me being there for them and helping raise awareness for carcinoid. The interesting thing is that I don't feel like I can do much of anything except be there and provide that consistent support. it's sort of a helpless feeling for the cause but those compliments ensure me that I'm doing what I can and it means something to the family. I have so much respect for the "Blackwood 12" through all they've done, traveled, learned, grown yet everyone seems to stay grounded and in the moment. The perplexing thing is that they all seem to respect me for what I've done, stand for, and continue to support through their trials and tribulations, yet I feel fairly average compared to the them. It's quiet flattering but keeps me humble and sane all in the same sentence.

Reflecting on the past and what lies ahead for the future is something I often do in my own silent solitude. I'm always running the "what's is all mean" scenario in my head. I always wonder how Kathy is feeling on any given day but I never ask b/c I know she doesn't want to talk about it or draw attention to herself. I have to be satisfied in the fact that she's usually smiling, giving Rob grief about being late, talking about the spring flowers, or running out the door to an appointment or to go for a swim or a bike. That energy that comes off of her lets me know she's okay. I simply give her a hug each time I leave the house from visiting, as if to say silently, "I'm thinking of you and hoping you're okay." I hope she feels my concern.

For now I'll stay focused on the race at hand. I've trained to the max again this year, I feel like I'm in better shape than last year but for some strange reason I didn't feel like I had to train with the intensity that I did last year. I'm looking forward to attacking the course, immersing myself in the race, all the sights, sounds, smells, and pain and suffering that I will endure but I will constantly remind myself why we're doing this. In our minds it might be for a personal best on that day. Or maybe it's an outlet for our own personal demons that we may be struggling with internally. But one thing is for sure. Where ever our minds are during the race, we all be thinking of Kathy and the greater cause, the race to find a Cure for Carcinoid. I'm blessed to be a part of this event with my dearest friends and family and will continue to be there as long as they need me. I'm an open book............