Empty Inside

It’s been a while since my last entry. I guess you could say I’ve been in a state of recovery or maybe searching for that next though to hit me. I realized today I needed to say something about my 2nd Triathlon experience. The Sandman Triathlon was held on September 14th at the Ocean Front in Virginia Beach. This particular event was very well organized and highly popular being orchestrated around the Neptune Festival.

I must say that I didn’t come into my 2nd Tri with as much enthusiasm as the first. Partly because I think my body was pretty tired and broke down. I had basically been training 6 days a week since January 3rd (See the Breezy Point Tri excerpt) with the exception of the 2 weeks I took off after that race. If you’ve ever experience endurance training it flat wears you out, both physically and mentally. You basically push your body to its edge (the sports scientists call it VO2 max or max threshold) and then go a little bit beyond that. It takes a toll on you like I cannot describe but the benefits are rewarding beyond my wildest imagination. I can honestly celebrate in the fact that I am in the best shape of my life, I’ve swam for distance in the Atlantic Ocean, sprinted a 14 mile bike ride until I thought my lungs were going to explode and polished the day off with a 5K run while my legs felt like 2 bricks underneath me…let’s just say that when it’s all said and done you’re left with a feeling of exuberation. Physically you’re glad it’s over. Mentally you’ve never had a clearer mindset in your life. Emotionally you realize that there isn’t much you can’t accomplish when you set your mind to it.

I believe the bigger reason why I hit my athletic “brick wall” going into the Sandman was the fact that the Blackwoods were not there for this event. We put a lot of time and energy into the Sandman back in June. The entire family and their cast of friends and relatives went all in on that race. This time it was just me. I must say there was a bit of emptiness inside. I needed those guys there. I needed their presence pushing me to my limits. Despite that emptiness inside I knew I had to do this race. I knew I had to carry the torch for Cathy and the entire Blackwood Family and continue to raise awareness for Carcinoid. This go around simply didn’t have the hype or the feel of something greater in the air but I do understand why they couldn’t compete this go around. I blame no one but myself for this empty feeling. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do these things. Sometimes I need outside influence pushing me to that next level. In retrospect I did fairly well. I bettered my swim by about 5 minutes and increased my average on the bike by 2 mph. I finished 30th out of 50 in my age group and 218 out of 730 overall. I’ve learned we must be happy in life with the small successes. The greatness will come eventually, it just doesn’t appear overnight. I know the Blackwoods were there in spirit. I know we'll all find greatness no matter what journey we decide to take on next.

For now I rest. I still workout but not at the Triathlon intensity that these events demand. It’s more for maintenance so I don’t lose the fitness that I worked so hard to achieve this past year. I’m definitely on a Tri hiatus until the turn of the New Year. For now I’ll reflect on the past, keep an eye towards the future and figure out what’s next in this journey. I’m slightly empty right now but I will use the Fall and Winter to recharge my body and my mind. I know we’ll be back in 2009 in full force. My only hope is that I don’t lose sight of why we started down this path……